The crusades are the means by which the Knights perform their brave and noble deeds! Or at least they like to think they are.

The First Crusade.
Attempt a raid on Shed to secure any original scripts which would distress lovers of The Fair One.

Stage One:
Gawain F'kurself stands outside Shed. Shouts Ni at security guards until they give in or call for support. While this distraction continues, Sir Anorak blows hole in back of building using a combination of green and yellow crayola (deadly...). To cover this noise, Lord Monstrous fires Mindf*ck at passers by, whose howlings of NIKKI!!!!! will cover anything up to 20,000 db. Sir Medee stands by and gazes at fully clothed women in a mixture of rapture and paralysis.
Stage Two:
Assault team moves into building via hole in wall. Loaf the III guards hole with Fuck-off kitchen knife. redMaiden rolls joint to keep us all amused... Moving into the scriptwriting ares, Ajax uses Phone of Persuasion on anyone who challenges us. If this fails we must resort to more extreme tactics, such as Sir Justus and Harry, and Loaf with the Warbortonator.
Stage Three:
Having neutralised most opposition, Sir Cookalot shreds offending scripts with Magimix then escapes on Shergar, bo bury shreds in a lead lined box at sea. Morgan confuses security guarding exits with The Magic Blonde Wig, aided by Cexil's duck effects and cloud of beer smells... If the situation becomes desperate we may have to play the Worzel's records to induce premature death. Gnomes will be summoned to cover our backs... To many sounds of 'Nikki', 'Aaargh', 'Shit Happens' and 'Quack', we make our escape, happy in the knowledge we have vanquished one of the many forces of evil.

Any help with the current crusades would be much appreciated because when we're busy there's less time for armour cleaning, and then it goes rusty, and... well... you know how it is.